Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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