i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
