id be glad to
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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