This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
