Girls should come with a carfax report
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I fill condoms, not promises.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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