Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
