stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
