Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
