How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
