How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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