If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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