I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
