just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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