I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
