Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
