I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
