i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
