I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
