After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
