I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
