I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
