did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
