Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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