You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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