You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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