I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
