I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
