It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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