So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i barfeds in our rink
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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