i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's just like the Real World with babies
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
