You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
