I don't usually arrange sex via text message
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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