i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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