I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
