2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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