On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
