I like my sex mixed with concussions.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
