At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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