In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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