It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
