i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
