i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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