he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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