There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
