Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
