You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
