I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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