Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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