would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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