i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
