Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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